They bought the wrong mailing list

And they’ve reached the wrong demographic. But they really know how to work a theme. This is the third mailer, each elaborate and each different, received from the people marketing Longhorn Village, described as a university-affiliated retirement community developed in association with the Texas Exes. There’s supposedly a “” website, but it’s not up.

Every mailer uses plenty of burnt orange ink. Every possible letter with a crossbar (“H” would be an example) has a crossbar that looks very much like the cornute features of longhorn cattle. The ad copy for this latest piece, which came in a see-through vellum envelope and is a trifold brochure with a die-cut foldback to the front cover, contains these [emphasis supplied]: “Now is the time to take the bull by the horns” and more than one ”til Gabriel blows his horn.” There’s a theme here, and they’re hitting it hard, but they’re not going to get my hundred-dollar deposit even if the inducements are (1) a location near Lake Travis and the UT Golf Club, (2) a spirited, upscale, service-oriented lifestyle, (3) a life care retirement community developed in association with the Ex Students’ Association of the University of Texas, and (4) lifelong learning, cultural and athletic events, camaraderie and more. What “more” could there possibly be? Maybe when I’m old enough I’ll know.

The marketers are offering a free lunch at the Austin Country Club in exchange for listening to the sales pitch. I won’t be there. But I look forward to receiving brochure number four, as I’m pretty sure I will, and I wish I’d saved numbers one and two.

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