78745: When Your Donuts are Priced Out of 78704
My new year’s resolution to become the World’s Fittest Human barely made it into 2007, snuffed in the early hours by an irrational craving for donuts. Aside from the pending LDL overload, the biggest problem at the moment was finding an appropriate source for my nutritional trainwreck. Neighborhood groceries and 7-11’s would certainly have supplies, but such shortcuts derail the pure donut adventure. True engorgement can only come when the donuts are fresh, consumption is immediate, and the entire experience is wholly dedicated to your fat-isfaction.
The last good donut I remember eating came from a Krispy Kreme drive-though dash while on an infrequent expedition North of Braker Ln. Such pastry knowledge seemed barely useful in this moment of need South of the river. I might have trekked across to Ken’s Donuts, except the double-whammy of a holiday and a shut down campus invited the possibility of a wasted trip. Similar risks lay in wait at Howdy Donuts in Westlake, where most everything is closed at prime donut consumption hours, even on the best of days. The answer seemed to lie South.
The Dunkin’ Donuts I expected to find on William Cannon has since been replaced by River City Donuts. The sloppy conversion was a hack-and-slash pastiche that made the store seem older than a remodel should. The interior was unkempt, but enlivened considerably by the sole patron dissecting his marital problems to whichever of the Asian women behind the counter would listen. Commiserating about your loveless relationship over donuts isn’t the ideal start to a new year, although it does leave ample room for improvement over the coming 12 months.
After much haranguing about failed pre-nups and wanton desires, the tone turned philosophical and the patron asked, “When two people don’t love each other, what else is there to do?” A rhetorical silence hung in the air. It seemed a good time to order donuts.
One short cash (only) transaction later, and I was wolfing down a fluffy kolache and sugar-loaded boston creme, both music to my gut. So what if my healthy new year had crashed and burned before 9am? At least I had a quintessential South Austin experience and a full stomach to show for it; a pretty even trade in my book.