You may have noticed the ads on on TV, in the Statesman and on flyers around town looking for the missing Mueller twins, Max and Andy. Well, you can rest easy now, they’ve been found. Upon seeing the ad in Sunday’s Statesman, my wife nudged me, showing me the ad and asked malevolently, “Can you tell which one’s on drugs?”.

As a parent myself, I’m inclined to feel sympathetic to someone who thinks they’ve lost their children, but when it turns out that they’re sixteen, go to a Connecticut boarding school, and were missing because they “camped for more than a week on the Barton Creek greenbelt and spent the rest of their time on the streets of Austin”, I’m a little less sympathetic. I hope their father, malpractice lawyer Mark Mueller, did more than just spend a ton of cash on flyers, print and broadcast media. I hope he kicked their asses.